Why does my confidence balance on this precarious ledge? I'm almost 28 years old, you would think that things like this wouldn't bother me anymore but they definitely do.
One skin breakout and I feel like I should be living in a cave, eating fish with Gollum or something. I literally spent the weekend sulking around feeling like an outcast because I have a few zits that came out of nowhere and are gross and red and huge (and I DID NOT pick at them). And I find myself thinking "Well, it started 4 days ago, so maybe in 4 days it will be gone?" or "I REALLY hope this thing is gone in time for my brother's wedding, I don't want to show up there with a nasty face."
But it just compounds. I shouldn't go outside because I have bad skin. I shouldn't go to dinner because I have bad skin. These shorts make my ass look weird because I have a weird ass, and bad skin. And then I spend time scouring Facebook and comparing myself to all my female friends, going "I bet they don't have this problem. It must be nice being beautiful."
People tell me to knock it off but I literally spent ages 13 - 22 with horrible skin. That's a lot to ask, for someone to spend 9 years with terrible skin. And I know I got over it and it's not so bad now and whatever but it hurts. I know how terrible my skin was; I would only look in the mirror once a day because looking at it shattered any form of confidence that I DID have. Ever wonder why there are NO pictures of me from this time? Well, wonder not because now you know. So now I'm just freaking out thinking "Is it coming back, all of it? Do I need to go back to the dermatologist and get whatever things I didn't try back then? Am I hideous? Does my hair make my face look more awful?"
Blowing it out of proportion? Maybe. Overreacting? Yeah. I'd like to say I have a rock solid confidence foundation that I base my life on, but it would be a lie.
